5 Quick Tips to Write Unprofessionally in Business Email

Why bother with writing convention and trying to convince your readers that you are a literate communicator when you really never learned the soft skills of communication anyway?

Or maybe you learned them but don’t feel like using them. For the sake of your own convenience, you are happy enough to type whatever, however you want, banging away on your keyboard and slopping through the writing, thinking, “Well, I’ll just add let me know if you need clarification at the end of my message.” If they get it, good. If not, they can ask, you say.

Your email makes an impression as soon as the recipient opens it up. If the reader even gets to the end, further clarification should not be necessary if you communicated well enough in the first place.

Here are five disrespectful strategies guaranteed to alienate your audience and diminish your communication capacity – and respect — as a business professional.

 1.  Write in all caps.

IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT YOUR NAILS ARE TOO LONG, YOUR CARPAL TUNNEL IS ACTING UP AGAIN, YOUR SHIFT KEY IS STUCK, IT’S QUICKER. Writing in all caps is yelling. Always. It’s also lazy, rude, difficult to read and disrespectful. Buy voice-activated software, get an ergonomic keyboard, learn your keyboard shortcut, find your nail clippers.

 2.  Use text language in a professional email.

OMG, plz 4get 2 use txting language n email, LOL.

You are not twelve years old; you are a professional. No one will take your email seriously. They will laugh at it. And then they will delete it.

 3. Put emoticons in a professional email.

Again, be the professional, not the twelve year old. Adults have an average vocabulary of 20,000 words. It’s not too much to insist that you use some of them instead of tiny smileys and frownies. If all else fails, try the dictionary and thesaurus.

4.  Put apostrophes next to every “s” at the end of the word.

Plurals need only an “s;” possessives need the apostrophe before the “s.”

Unless the emails (plural) own something, leave out the apostrophe. Leave it out in 1980s, CDs, DVDs, too.

5.  Keep’em confused: mix up homonyms.

Its/it’s, they’re/their/there, hear/here . . . you get the picture. You were supposed to learn this in school. You definitely need to get it right at work.

These are my pet peeves in professional writing: I see them rear their ugly peeve-heads in more emails than a writer can imagine.

There is a time and place for fun and experimentation in writing. Using CAPS for emphasis, playing with texting language, and inserting emoticons — these techniques live on the playgrounds of creative writing, Twitter and smartphones.  Play with language, stretch the rules and see what bounces back to you. But play in your personal writing, in your own social media, in poetry and fiction writing. Don’t present yourself as a representative of your company if you can’t communicate like a professional.


2 Replies to “5 Quick Tips to Write Unprofessionally in Business Email”

  1. Another good rule is this one:
    When announcing a meeting, give the actual date and time.
    WHY: because email sits on the computer and who knows when it will be actually opened?

    If a meeting announcement tells the reader that the event takes place ‘next Tuesday.’
    The author has failed to account for a reader who opens the message on the very Tuesday when the meeting is occurring.

    So the conscientious reader will add an appointment for the following Tuesday — one full week after the actual meeting.

    Don’t make readers guess which Tuesday is the ‘next Tuesday’ — tell them specifically buy using a calendar date, as in:

    “Our meeting is scheduled for Tuesday, June 2, 2015.”

    Kind Regards,

    1. So true, Emily! It is impossible to over-communicate, and anything the writer can do to be specific is the best course of action — readers don’t always check the email date. Your suggestion is for writing dates is specific, concrete and helpful. No one wants to play “guess what’s in my head” because we all get so many emails every day, and it’s possible to drown in a morass of vague information.

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